Dear friends,
This is a joyful message, but I’ll (try to) be brief. I’m guessing many of you, over the last few years, perhaps beginning just before my first trip to China, noticed a change in my Facebook personality. Fewer are the posts linking you to an obscure music video, and more are the posts related more to matters of faith, especially, Jesus, the Christ.
Have I been converted? This time a better would might be, reclaimed.
If you knew me in high school (most of the intended audience here fall into this category), you might recall that, though I had my (completely embarrassing, regretful) moments of bad behavior, I was not considered wild. Then came college, and thought I still don’t think I would be considered wild by my many folks’ definition of the word, I got off track before I even got started at MTSU. I hurt many of friends during that time, and I have lost sleep over it in the past, I assure you.
And “it happens,” but that’s no excuse. (I owe my friends better). My years in the wilderness–that is, a very liberal university–consisted of more bad times than good, in my own heart, spiritually. Not because of the atheistic teachers, no. More like, my own behavior was causing my spirit to whither. That is not to say I do not treasure the friends I’ve made at MTSU or the memories I made at Screamin’ Jacks gigs and so forth. I love them. However,I was “searching for myself” at a very expensive cost, spiritually and relationally.
Fast forward–it was not marriage that brought me to Jesus. That is, I am not merely “settling down” after getting married, and becoming more “into” church, or whatever that means. No, no, and (wait for it)–no.
Actually, one day during a yoga spell I went through, I was on the floor of my bedroom at Bilbro Ave. and must have began to pray. I realized how unfruitful my first couple of years at MTSU had been. I felt like I had wasted so much of my time, my health, and frankly, my parents’ money. So, I prayed for the Lord to “make me into the man he created me to be.”
Enter Jesus-freak mode. I began chasing God via Christian routes. While the first few years of college were spent looking for him in all of the other main forms of religion, now I had almost come full circle. What were the odds that I was born in the right place at the right time to know who He really is? Well..
I finished my circle, as it were, probably not long before that prayer on the floor at Bilbro, when I sat down with my dear older friend (like a brother), who told me that he was moving to Africa for several years to do mission work. In a way, at that table, I must have experienced a moment of grace, or perhaps just an epiphany of “what was I thinking?–of course Jesus is the way.”
That was about five years ago, and perhaps I’ll explain more of what the last five years have been like, soon. For now, I express my regret and apologies to friends and family I’ve hurt by living for the wrong reason, namely, to make much of myself (instead of Christ). I ignored many of my dearest friends and family in order to escape reality. That is not to say I am perfectly wise now, of course, but I like to think I make a lot better decisions than I was making for a while there. So, I want to express joy and thanksgiving, because God has been really, really good to me, and having time to read a letter like this on Facebook, WordPress, or wherever, he’s been really good to you, too. The fact that we’re breathing right now–is a gift.
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28, ESV)
Being Found in Human Form 